How Being Attached can BackFire

The real problems of loving things too much

In 2008 my best friend was murdered. After he was murdered I continued to graduate high school and start living my life on my own. The thing was, I had dedicated the last 3 years of high school with my “best friend”. He was a fun guy to be around. Always telling stories and knowing the exact science behind things. Sure we indulged in weed like nobody’s business, but we genuinely had it going on. I dedicated every school day to leaving early to hang out with him. Ultimately my boss would murder him and I would be friendless fresh out of high school.

The thing that haunts me to this day is he had literally denied a $10,000,000 settlement just months before getting murdered. Our whole friendship was never based on this. He knew he had money coming and that was all I knew. He would never boast about it or anything. He had a pacemaker short circuit and fry his heart. He’s lucky he survived. His denying the settlement was one of the 1st times I heard of the actual legal battle going on. That means he was fighting them for more money than they were willing to keep him out of court. After his decision within 2 months, he was murdered by our boss.

Not only had his death affected my social life after high school, it ultimately affected my mind. In January 2009 I had finally gone off the deep end and tried to kill myself. Unsuccessful with my attempt I ended up in the psych ward and diagnosed as schizophrenic. I then had to live with that diagnosis ever since I became an adult.

Becoming too attached can destroy your life

When you get involved with someone or something and you fully enjoy it, it can be one of the most satisfying feelings ever. When that feeling becomes more desirable each time you’re with that someone or something, it can start taking a grip of your life. I’m not saying all monogamous relationships are bad though. When you are dedicated to your partner and are in it together, that’s a great feeling all in of itself. The problem is losing that person hurts and that’s a great example of the topic of this post.

When you get attached to something, every time you acquaint yourself with it, your brain releases dopamine. That fact alone is why so many drug users eventually become addicts. The dopamine release plus the feeling a drug makes you feel, ultimately can grab you and never let go.

This sticks true with people too. When you become so reliant on what they can provide you with, you ultimately become bound to them. People will always remain human and not some perfect being.

When push comes to shove, and your faithful human disconnects from your life, you’re going to have emotional trauma. The single person that was releasing your dopamine just upped and vanished. It gets super rough to live with this as a reality. Over time this can take a toll on a person that they ultimately drive themselves insane, just to try to get that fix one more time. This fact alone creates stalkers, crazy ex’s, problematic people, etc.

The more you harp on that person or thing without replacing it, the more it drives you into bad states of mind. Take my ex for example. The last day we had sex, mid-orgasm she screamed “Oh my god, you’re fucking god.” That shit stuck with me. It scares me to this day. It took forever to replace this lady in my life and it has ultimately ripped my heart to shreds. Especially whenever she replaced me with my own cousin. That effin bitch. She was the only person I had that filled the void of my best friend being murdered. When she left, I basically became homeless and my life got totally destroyed. All do to being too attached. So my lesson from that was a valuable one none-the-less.

How to replace attachments

The key to moving on from things you are attached to is honestly quite simple if you think about it. You can replace a person, or replace a habit with someone or something better for you. If you can manage to replace something that is destroying your life with a healthier habit, by all means, go that route. Leave that bad habit behind and move on with the new you.

Replacing people is probably the hardest thing anyone could ever encounter. Emotional bonds are sacred, and humans are social beings. If you lose a dear family member it hurts, and literally, nothing could replace them. The same goes for friends. Just the death aspect of this, it’s almost inevitable everyone will experience this loss in some way, shape, or form.

Getting attached to family is never a bad thing. It’s when the co-dependency starts to occur that it starts to become more harmful to your well-being. If you’re 25 and relying on your family for everything, it may be time to find your own way out. If you’re disabled, that’s a whole different situation, but a regular, functioning adult can do better than living with their family in adulthood. Find a partner, combine incomes, and try monogamy for a while! Hopefully, it lasts forever!

How to make the loss less traumatizing

If you learn the lesson that only you are responsible for your actions, then you will be far more invulnerable to trauma after a loss. Treat everyone with kindness and respect until they make you feel the total opposite of that. If they are kind and gentle, and no signs of detachment, treat them with honor and respect. Just always know though, nothing in life is guaranteed. Treat every day as it could be the last time you see the people in your own life. Make amends and create solid friendships so you don’t have to experience the loss in general.

If you are trying to break an addiction to harmful things, the only thing you have to lose is the dopamine factor. If you can condition your brain to accept it’s wrong to accept dopamine release from such a habit, you will have a 🏈 on the one-yard line. All you have to do is fight the defense off for just that one yard for a touchdown. Fight off the wants with the most versatile play in the playbook. When you get that fresh 6 point decision made, and follow-through, go ahead and go for 2 more points. Replace your lead with something of greater value. Don’t settle for 1 point after it, celebrate, you’re doing the right thing.

All-in-all

If you find yourself attached to people and/or things that you are dependent on, take a step back from an outer perspective. Why are you attached to such and such? Is it healthy for you? Is it potentially a heartbreak waiting to happen? Is it replaceable? If you are attached for bad reasons, try to condition yourself to break away. If it is healthy and wholesome continue with caution. If it’s irreplaceable and a possible heartbreak waiting to happen, be the better person you can be to try to make things work for the better. Always strive to do better for yourself. Being attached to habit, people, and things can totally wreck your life if it is unhealthy. Always replace bad habits with healthier ones.

Replace relationships that have failed ASAP because the sooner you fill that void in your heart, the faster it will heal. Sure it’s nice to take time off and work on making yourself a better person to not let what happened repeat itself. It’s also valuable to find a replacement and forget what you just lost. As I said, stalkers and crazy ex’s come from years of staleness after a heartbreak. Get back out there and find another person to heal you. Just don’t get too attached now.

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